Silly Hikari
by Draggy2
Summary: Silly hikari, you don’t know I care. Silly hikari, the signs are all there. You do not know and I will not tell. Hikari, Ryou… the amount of love I hold for you.
1. Silly hikari

Silly Hikari

_This fanfiction is dedicated to Twill for inspiration, kind words and a generous smile._

Silly hikari, you don't know I care.

Silly hikari, the signs are all there.

You do not know-

and I will not tell.

Hikari- Ryou… the amount of love I hold for you.

The sun had set hours ago and with it so had my hikari. …MY hikari. It was such an odd thing to comprehend. To think that when my soul had gotten trapped in the Ring all else in this world would think I was dead- even the gods. That I would be, in a way reincarnated. To think that my soul was too overcome with darkness that it became greatly unbalanced and my reincarnated self would make up for it by being so… so… so completely opposite. So light and good.

My heart has been closed since, well, since I was trapped in the Ring. And well before that. Lately, ever so slowly I've begun to care again. I can feel the coldness of my heart melt and perhaps I'm becoming what I once was- who I once was. But… what about my reincarnate? If my soul levels out then what would become of him? I'm not talking about him levelling out; I'm talking about the purpose that would be lost. A soul cannot exist twice so if my soul balanced once more… than… than… would I lose my light? The thought would be too terrible to bear.

Since I've re-emerged to life he has always been there for me, always there. He was always helping and always understanding. He put up with my hate and loathing (of every single living creature and thing) He was even the one that changed my outlook on my newfound freedom. Why go about and destroy things… when I could enjoy them… with my light. Was his purpose simply to reform me? Make me stop hating; bring me to the world of understanding of this time? Was he here simply for me, was that his _only_ purpose. I hope not. I don't want to lose him. Ever.

My mind's a mess but my light constantly makes me marvel at his sweet view of life- and at him. I can't let him perish, I refuse to lose him. He- he's mine. He IS me! He cannot leave me here alone. Not when I had his sweet smile to look forward to every morning and sleepy voice as he'd mutter a happy 'good night'. ….Still, he could just stay here, stay on this plane of existence, but I cannot exist twice, that is not allowed. One of us will perish. Ryou- my light. The one uncorrupted- unbalanced. Because of that it is your downfall, Ryou. My too light, too good Ryou.

Maybe **_I_** could corrupt you… but then, oh, I do not want to change you my hikari! I fear that I may lose you one day and I pray that that day is far off. I hope that we will always be together. I know that it was you who melted my heart. I know no one else could have… I would have killed them first. But you, my hikari, my light, you managed to do so and in a way, have killed yourself.

I've spent the last couple of nights watching you sleep, my hikari. I have been memorizing your face, your lips and your sweet face. I have held your hand and added blankets to you in your sleep whilst whispering my secret desire that you would not disappear on me. Tonight's no different. Silent as a ghost, (though I am not a ghost) I silently turn the knob of your door and walk in. I smile as I see you, though you cannot tell. Your window is open and your drapes shift in the breeze. I see you shivering and gently close the window.

Don't leave me my hikari.

I stand over you, you do not know, you give no indication that you are even aware I am here, glad or no. But I am, hikari. I am here for you. But you shiver still, are you cold, hikari? And all the blankets are wet from the wash. Silly hikari, lucky I am here to protect you and keep you safe and warm. Lucky hikari. Like a breeze I gently crawl over you, you do not wake. You never wake. You are cold, I know. I can feel you shake, I can feel the goose bumps on your arms, I pull you into me and enjoy as you snuggle close to my chest. You do not know what you are doing, my sleeping hikari, but I do.

You're warmer now, I can feel your breath on my chest, and you are content. Dear hikari. Please do not leave me. You are warmth itself and if I lost you then the world would regret it! If they took you- if they touched a single hair on your head, I swear to any of the gods, that they WILL regret it.

But hikari, you are mine. And hikari, please live on. You do not know, and I will not tell, but hikari- my light, my Ryou-

Can't you see that I love you?


	2. My hikari

Silly Hikari

_Draggy2_

It is me, my hikari

who holds you so dear

and me, my hikari

who holds a secret fear

so in the end, my hikari

its my heart that'll tear

Another week has passed hikari, but you are not as grateful for our time together as I. You do not know that time may be short, that we should treasure every minute. My light, I wish- and it pains me to no end, but I wish you weren't my light! My hikari, did you hear that thought? No, you could not have, it is mine and mine alone. Oh- Ryou, if you weren't my light then you'd be free to exist, my dear, sweet, poor light. My poor, sweet hikari. Do not leave me, never leave my side.

I've told you this, my love, but you do not know. You simply smile and reassure me, my poor hikari, my poor, sweet hikari. But how could you know, you do not feel it. You do not feel the supernatural forces as I do. Two of one cannot exist. One shall have to depart. My light, I have become balanced, I am nearly human now, I am almost there and you- you my love, your use will be up, _my_ soul will not need to be balanced any longer. I wish I could exist twice- I wish we could exist together. My light, my heart, please, oh please do not leave my side.

But my wishes are futile, my hopes and dreams- they will end with you. I am becoming mortal again, I feel again, and I feel the time is coming, the time when you will leave me alone. My light, surely you know, surely _you_ know that I cannot allow that. The gods will feel my wrath. I am five centuries old, my spirit has power, and that power will protect you, and only you.

Hikari, Ryou, my love, I think I've failed you, and you- you have done everything for me. I cannot allow myself to fail. I will protect you, my sweet, innocent hikari. I will guard you unto the last.

I just don't know how.

Oh hikari. Why won't you hear the words I speak to you? Why won't you bode my warning. I don't know what to do, I am more than lost and I despair with each passing day. One soul, hikari. Just one. One unbalanced soul that was locked away so tight even the gods thought it was lost. So they created you to bring back that which has vanished- but then I returned. At first it had worked out. One half each. One dark and one light. One terrible- the other as beautiful as the stars. We equalled out, you and me. But your light has dimmed the darkness inside of me. I am becoming a whole soul by myself and I cannot stop it- don't want to stop it. I love watching over you, hikari. How could I not? I don't want to be what I once was.

But then there is you, untouched by my darkness, untouched by hate or greed. And just as I wish to never return to how I was when I first emerged from the Ring, I do not wish for you to darken.

Please, oh please hikari. Please don't darken your soul.

I'm selfish, I know that. I do not want to lose you so I won't let you go. I refuse to change you and oh, I'd never trade your existence for mine. My hikari… mine. I love you, my hikari, though you cannot see.

But why won't you listen to me? Are you afraid. Of my love? …Or maybe, what you fear is me? Please don't let that be it, my sweet understanding Ryou. Please let me cherish you. Let me hold you- let me never let you go. Because I won't. Not ever. Not even if you wanted me to. For you I will find a way.

I can hear them, Ryou. I know what they say. I know they think so little of me. That you should get rid of me (like I'm nothing but vermin) and you never tried to, you never did. So I respect you and love you . I know you. I know your so good. Please don't fade away.

I watch over you, day-by-day, and I snuggle with you night-by-night, though you do not know. I cannot lose you, for you will forever be my light. When they tell you about me I know you pay attention. I know you listen carefully. I know it 'cos bit-by-bit you re-evaluate me. I don't know how you do, but you do. I know you don't listen- at least not to all, but I know you compare my me-of-then to the me-of-now. And sometimes your heart weighs down with previous knowledge and sometimes it alight just a bit. But you judge me for me, so I judge you for you. And in a way its just you and me, me and you. And then the world, but only after.

You're asleep again this lonely night. My heart shatters as I watch you. I feel it cut deep in my chest for I cannot have you and soon neither will the world. Your beautiful, hikari. The prettiest thing placed in this world. And I want to keep you. Hold you. Love you. Be with you. …My heart splinters even more.

The window is closed this night and you're snug under the covers. I have no excuse. None what-so-ever. But the pain in my chest is becoming unbearable; I had no excuse the night before either, except my own. Silently I creep over to your bed. You appear so content, so relaxed, so unexpecting of the danger that exists for you. I wish… I just want to hold you safe against me. I wish to protect you. I need to protect you.

I crawl over you once more, ever so careful of your hidden body beneath the blankets. I touch your hair, softly so I do not disturb you, and let it fall through my fingers. As gently as I can I let my fingers ghost over your shoulder, one touch is all I need for your body to unknowingly shift towards me. Sighing in bliss I wrap an arm around you. Holding you so close makes me feel that I really can protect you. Holding you so close brings me so much comfort. For you see it is me, my hikari that holds you so dear. And it is me, my hikari, who holds a secret fear.

And in the end my hikari... I can't help but hold you slightly closer, as tight as I can without disturbing your sleep. -In the end, my hikari it will be my heart that'll tear, that will break, and that will shatter.

In the end.

It will be me.


End file.
